For the mama who grieves...

Today my heart knows joy and my soul knows grief.  My second Mother's Day since Amelia was born and my first with Boone, I would be lying if I let you believe that it hurts less.  Sure, tomorrow I will celebrate with abandon.  I will pick flowers with my sweet Eleanor and try to look at the world in a way only her 4 year old eyes can see.  Tomorrow I will cradle my newborn son.  I will kiss his cheeks and giggle at his noises and show him off to anyone who will glance my way.  Tomorrow I will praise God that He did not forsake me.  Tomorrow I will chose to know only joy.

But today, today I know grief.  Today I dread Mother's Day and it's 2 hugs, 2 kisses, 2 "I Love Yous".  Today I will convince myself that I'm ok with Amelia spending Mother's Day with the Father, but He and I both know that's not true.  Today I will prepare my answer for some well meaning waitress or store clerk or church member who asks, "How many children do you have?"  "Two that will run and one who can fly," I've decided to say...

Amelia Grace

Today my heart is heavy not just for me, but for the other mama's like me.  Sitting here watching my precious boy sleep, I can't help but think of all the women I know who's babies grew wings before they grew feet or the mamas like me who know the weight of their newborn in their arms but not the color of her eyes.  My heart hangs heavy for mothers who didn't get to plan more than a first birthday party and for the dear, sweet mamas who kissed their gray-haired son good-bye.  It doesn't matter if all the memories of your child are contained in a single ultrasound photo or a home full of scrapbooks - YOU are someone's mother!  And tomorrow is for you.  Cry today, grieving mama, but tomorrow walk proud.  Tomorrow, know that however brief or to whatever bitter end, you know the love only a mama knows and that is worth celebrating.